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Variety of Human Experience |
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Autobiography I enjoyed doing my autobiography so much that I consider is one of the best papers I ever done in the course. It is also a paper that best illustrate the course goal--human experience. This assignment let me an opportunity to redefine myself and explore who I am deeply through the memories. I put lots of efforts and times into it. I wrote three separate stories for the autobiography, and each demonstrates an important transition and turning point in my life. I especially like the second one, an experience I had toward a contradictory between benefit and morality. The experience had increase my understanding of my own ethic-- I was glad I made a correct choice. Pessimist… Hot air circulated everywhere in the village; the atmosphere unconsciously affected everyone’s mood making them melancholy. A very strange and unknown feeling flowed in my mind, I was not clear what it was. Consequently, I ran to the ponds at the back of house and tried to search this feeling. I slowed my pace and walked along the ponds. While I stretched my body toward the water I could barely see my swaying reflection because of the breeze blowing on the surface of the pond creating small waves. I remained in that position for a long time and kept watching my reflection full of concentration. I was interrupted by the violent sunlight that shinning straight on my slim and fragile body. The heat had become so great that my skin almost wrinkled. I did not realize how hurt I was although I was completely awake. Meanwhile I began heading home, I heard someone calling me from behind, in a very close distance. I turned my body and walked toward to that direction and I noticed it was one of my neighbors. As I walked close to her, I could see that her anxiety hardly hidden from her face. She asked me straightforwardly, with a sincere yet anxious voice. She said, “Ah, Mann, help me guard the seed rice from the birds and I will be back soon.” I quickly promised her without any hesitations and asked her to take care. She left. I settled myself causally on one side of the seed rice where it lay spread on the concreted ground, absorbing sunlight. I took off my shoes and folded my pants above my knee a bit and began my duty. Barefooted, I stepped on top of the see rice and attempted to spread it to make sure it received the same amount of sunlight. I did not realize how hot it was but I kept hopping and hopping until it was adjusted. I carefully used both of hands spreading the rice; meanwhile, sweat was dropping down from my head. I found myself a shady spot, took a seat, and tried to cool down my hot body. I was seated against the three-foot high concrete fence and facing toward the seed rice. The granule seed rice muddled my eyes. Suddenly, a very frightful notion flashed through my mind that made me feel uneasy. I felt extremely helpless like a piece of wood flowing in the ocean without knowing where to go. Who would imagine a five-year old girl had such notion about the most fearful thing in life—death. I understand every person would have that day of death and that it also would happen to me someday, but I just could not overcome my fear of it. It seemed like a mystery weighting on my mind that I could not release, I doubted where people go after they die. I questioned myself how would I want to die, all things I treasure so much would vanish and I would be gone forever in the world. I was not reluctant to leave this wonderful and mysterious place. I want myself always to live in this place because I want to see my family, my offspring, and the further future developments… The more I ponder the more I become scared and tears almost squeezed from my eyes at that moment. I do not remember what happened then, but now, when I think back on this I realize my pessimistic thinking originated then. Conflict between benefits and morality... In a large spaced second-floor kindergarten classroom that held more than twenty-five students. All the four walls painted white as salt that has just evaporated from the seawater. The windows decorated with bamboo pattern blinds facing the South, toward the courtyard, where there is a traditional Chinese pavilion placed in the middle. Study tables had been moved on each side of the room against the walls. Excited yelling was coming from the circle of students in the center of the room. All students were ready to start a game lead by one of my kindergarten teachers, Mrs. Moon, who was also the vice-president of the school. While everyone’s eyes were curious on each other, my eyes were attracted by someone’s pant pocket who was seated next to me. I saw a one-dollar Renmenbi was about to drop out that boy’s loose pocket. However, I did not tell him instead I hoped the dollar would drop down on the floor so I could pick it up for my own. The one-dollar Renmenbi agitated me because of my ignorant greed. I unconsciously lost balance of the measure between benefit and moral. That dollar was full of entices that I could not resist. What I had on mind was not bad intentions but I was eager for that dollar which would bring me candies, crackers and other goodies. I completely lost my rationale and control on my evil side. Just as expected, the dollar dropped. I readily stepped on it without arising other people’s attention. Who knew that inside my heart was fear, that my heart was pounding harshly like someone hitting a drum. Cold sweats scattered everywhere on my body. That made me realize I still had a bit of conscience. The bit of conscience impelled me to give up that original desire. On one side, I could not stand my moral censure, on the other I worried about losing prestige. Ultimately, I pretended I did not know anything, picked the dollar up, and handed to the boy. “Is that your dollar?” I said it disingenuously. The boy innocently lowered his head and searched his pocket. His frank behavior reflected his loyalness and my guile. I felt very ashamed and wished there was a hole for me to hide in at that moment. My behavior drew everyone’s attention, all noises suddenly become silence. Mrs. Moon raised her thumb and walked toward me. I was afraid to look directly at her eyes because of my sense of guiltiness. I pointed my head down to try to avoid any eye contacts with other classmates. Nevertheless, Mrs. Moon still walked close to me and raised my hand in the air expressing her admiration of me. Everyone applaused and the applause dissolved my initial guilt. Behind the applause, it concealed another type of benefit or fame. The difference is one kind is traded with immoral method to obtain something I desire, and another is I get admiration and fame that traded with the honesty. America ... When I first arrived America, I was very confident I would be learning so well in school as I usually did in China. I did not realize language would become my biggest barrier. I thought if I tried harder I would take it for granted to receive the same effort. However, ideal and reality are very separated from each other. Some unhappy and disappointed experiences I had indirectly changed my outlook on life. Once I was a very active and extrovert little girl now I was passive and introvert. Once someone, who was full of the zeal of helping others and made self like a clown in order to please others and make them laugh to release a depressed atmosphere. Now, all these straightforward behaviors disappeared and what have remained are fears. I fear troubles, I fear to meet people, I fear… I forget when I become so self-contradictory that I keep hover between the edge in arrogance and abase oneself. As I grow older, the more tiny, insignificant I feel from lacking the knowledge I possess. Therefore, I often keep silent when an unfamiliar subject comes to me. To avoid humiliation in front of other people I choose to be silent and use another method, listening. In fact, I have benefited so much from listening and observing other people. Nevertheless, that still does not change my innocency, because I thought everyone’s ethic should be close to my own. This released me from a guardless heart of other people. For example, lately, in PSU library, my sister asked me to keep an eye on her bag. I promised her but inside my heart I knew no one would take the bag. It ended up the bag was stolen by someone. Her wallet was inside with many of her identification cards. I was very disappointed. I really did not expect it would ended this way. Anyway, refer to the quotation “no pains no gains" I just take it as a lesson. Who I am? I do not know, I still searching… I do not know how to evaluate this man but he was someone who could sacrifice his freedom in order to stand up and defend his people. Through this assignment, I understand the Indian culture and their belief better. I also come to realize the situation and struggles they had during the 70s with the US government. I think this was a great experience that I really feel I learn something of other cultural perspectives. Biography of Leonard Peliter Leonard Peltier was a Chippewa-Lakota activist and also an important
leader of the American Indian Movement. During a firefight in 1975
at the Rine Ridge reservation, between FBI agents and traditional
Indians aligned with members of AIM. Two FBI agents were killed
in the shooting and Peltier was subsequently charged. In the same
year, he was convicted of two consecutive life sentences for murdering
two FBI agents. Peltier clarified he did not commit the crime, even
now he still claims he did not do so. At this time, Peltier is serving
his 25 years in prison at a federal penitentiary in Marion, Illinois.
From prison, Peltier has kept on advocating for the human rights
of Native people. Although he loss his freedom and suffered from
the imprisonment, he still feels proud to stand up and defend his
people.
Because of his belief, he always does whatever he can to help his
people and community. During one particular winter, the reservation
had a lack of food, but the local government hid the fact. When
Peltier knew this, he asked people to protest. He worked with social
workers and came to the reservation to investigate the condition.
They went from household to household and found that there was very
little food people actually had. This awakened Peltier to the desperate
situation for people on his community. Later, Peltier realized more
facts about his community because he was working as a migrant farm
worker with his father. He often had to travel from reservation
to reservation. Because of this, he came to learn that polices of
relocation, poverty, and racism were affecting all Native people
in the United States. From that time on, Peltier tried hard to help
and work with his people and community. I have many thoughts after watched Genie's story, on the other side I also feel very sorry for her life. I do not know what is going wrong with the society, why there are parents so heartless? How could they treat their child in this very irresponsible and ruthless way? If they do not like their child, then why they give birth to her and later destroyed her life sadly with their hands. Anyway, I really appreciated this film because it let me an opportunity to have a closer look of what reality is and the truth of wild child. April 25, 2000 Home
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